youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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