worst night to have a conscience
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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