yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
