seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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