Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
