I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
