So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
