just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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