Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
