another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
