I think I died a long time ago.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
