Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
