In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
