Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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