Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
