i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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