I'm so fucking centered right now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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