Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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