he thought i was a dude.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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