Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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