I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
