no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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