Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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