Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
