You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
