i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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