we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
