me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
