On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
