I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
