Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
