i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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