Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
