people are starting to question the shark bite story
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
