'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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