i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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