having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
