i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
