yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just found puke in my bra..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
