Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
