It's like God shit irony all over that family
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
