Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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