you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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