It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
