Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
