2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
