she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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