I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
