before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
