i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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