I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
