Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize