I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
